daylight breaking

I am so proud of myself right now. Haha, okay, not that proud, but I'm really happy that I actually managed to finish some homework today. After weeks and weeks of procrastination, finally finished the chinese newspaper review thing. And about halfway through the report for SMPF, which is quite a feat, honestly. Heh.

Procrastination is always like, the bane of my holidays. Like, no matter how much I have fun and I enjoy myself, homework just pops into my head. Like I'm at the beach in Bali and suddenly, 我的错不是大人的错 pops into my head. Which majorly sucks. Baaah.

Anyway, still have tomorrow to get more work done, hopefully I'll have the same drive as I did today so I can finish most of it before YM camp. Caaaamp. And grr, I was going to put an exclamation mark there but for some stupid reason all the numbers on my keyboard ARE NOT WORKING. And it's really pissing considering how new this laptop is, zomg. Thankfully, I still have warranty. But for now you will have to bear with my post having no brackets, asteriks or dollar signs.

But anyway, camp. Today, I suddenly got this sinking feeling about it. I don't know why, maybe I'm scared because I don't know anyone in my group. Or intimidated because every just seems so clique-y already so I'm afraid I'll get left out. Oh no, it's like first day of school all over again. Haha oh well, put on a smile and make friends right?

♣♣♣
Do you ever wonder if God's callings have a lifespan? Whether they eventually fade and can't ever happen anymore, or if they are always there, and will always point you in the right direction. I'm not sure, and I don't even know if it's a relevant question.

Earlier this year, I got a really strong feeling that God wanted me to join the worship ministry. Like, a really really strong calling. But I was always so hesitant and unsure and insecure and I never made the leap and actually went and joined. And then, after I had basically given up, an opportunity presented itself and I could have grabbed it and I probably could have made it into the worship ministry. But I didn't take it.

So now, I'm thinking, is there a consequence for something like that? Because, well people are always saying how God has a plan for us and he knows where our lives are going. What if that was where my life was meant to go but I didn't take it. What's going to happen to me now?

And, if I suddenly feel brave enough to step up and join the worship ministry, will everything just fall into place again? Do God's callings last forever?

I don't know. And, if there even is an answer, honestly I'm a little scared to find out.